Immortality Formula: YOLF

Predicting the future is hard. At least that’s what Nostradamus tells me every time I’m on mescaline. But, damn it, if Ed McMann can do it, we might as well take a swing here at Wondergressive.

According to the calendar, it’s been 2013 for a little while now, and that means it’s probably safe to say we didn’t all explode in boiling hellfire at the end of 2012. It’s unfortunate, because, of all the dooms-day prophecies floating around, that Mayan prediction was especially promising. That means, though, if ever there was a time to plan for the future, it’s today.

While advancements in technology and medicine grow all the more futuristic with each passing moment and the internet is busy coalescing our collective hive unconscious into an unprecedented uber-mind, we wander ever closer to the upcoming singularity we’re so looking forward to. All these massive paradigm shifts coming at us exponentially quicker let us say one thing at least with near certainty:  “This is the era where man will possess immortality.”

It may come in the form of implanting our sentience into cyborgs, imprinting clones with a map of the alpha version’s memories, or just extending our stays on this plane to 6 or 700 years via sea turtle style metabolism manipulation. However events may unfold, Carpe Diem has never before been so pertinent.  (If immortality’s too big of a leap, just follow some of the previous links and see what we mean.)

So in the spirit of having oodles of time to do whatever the hell you want, we present you with part one of Qwizx’s guide to surfing oblivion.

Step 1: Shifting Perspectives (Introduction to the Avatar mindset)

Just change your mind a bit. The tools have been laid out already for those in the mood to adapt rather than shunt the burden off onto the next generation. Let’s take a moment and let some of the implications of prolonged life settle in…The ritual goes: same window, different visuals…

Instead of renting, or mooching off the parents, as immortals, we now own the property. Every perk and burden that comes with that. Global warming something you’re concerned about? You personally will be here in a few thousand years to experience the fall out. Think the country’s going to shit? You, yourself, will be witnessing the rise and fall of empires and shift of power regimes. Want to own your own continent? Spend a few hundred years amassing a fortune and learning all the skills you’ll need to rise to the top and control the ignorant populace. Want to topple a violent dictator?  Same thing, control the ignorant populace. The point is, you will have the time, so anything conceivable is not only within your grasp, it’s your responsibility to foresee. Congratulations, us.

Just pretend you know with certainty that you and all those you love will live forever, then jot it down.

I understand this has just been a tease, a bit of intellectual foreplay to ponder, but I hope you’re as titillated as I am. Over the next few weeks we’ll be covering a whole range of lessons for the up and coming demi-god, from the 10,000 hour mastery law to do-it-yourself propaganda to Napoleon Hill’s formula for becoming the next Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

In any case, let’s not waste the next millennia on boredom.

 

 Sources:

3 Ways the WWE Invented Professional Sports

Top 10 Doomsday Prophecies

Sign Me Up for Mars!

Augmented Reality Blows My Mind – Twice

New Cancer Treatment Shows Promising Results in Leukemia Patients

Honey as an Antibiotic

AI Prescribes Better Treatment Than Doctors

Robotic Sense and Feel

Bionic Hand That Can Feel

Reanimated Kidneys and 3D Printing

A Pill That Makes You Sober

Autophagy: The Unsung Hero in Slowing Aging 

Erase Memories, Because… Why Not?

DNA Ancestry Checking as Cheap as $99

The Singularity is Nigh Upon Us

Brain Implants Powered By Spinal Fluid: Another Huge Step Towards Our Cyborg Future 

Erasing Genomic Imprinting Memory in Mouse Clone Embryos Produced from Day 11.5 Primordial Germ Cells 

Dietary Manipulation of Mouse Matabolism

Handbook for the New Paradigm

Become a God for 79 Cents

Fun Fact: You’re the Cause of Boredom

Fungi Fun: How to Harness the Power of Mushrooms

Here are two TED talks that discuss different ways we can incorporate the use of simple mushrooms into our lives, and eventual death, to improve the state of the world.

Click  Click

Both videos are practical, highly entertaining, and mind blowingly interesting!

The second video, discussing how mushrooms can be used to decompose corpses, reminded me of something that has bothered me about humanity since I was very young.

There are so many of us, billions, and we all die.  We spend our entire lives consuming the Earth, growing and devouring species to the point of extinction.  And at the end of it all, we are so selfish that we do not give our dead, useless bodies packed full of nutrients back to the Earth.  We wrap ourselves in metal and even in death take up some space in the already crowded Earth.  And then, we carve a stone with our name on it and put it over the ground marking the spot where our rich nutrients are safely being stored and wasted away.

A poetic ending denoting our wastefulness in life that continues to the grave.

Why?

Guess what? Our species is growing!  There are more of us on this planet now then there has been in the entire history of the world! What will we do with all the space clear and fill with coffins?  North America will become one giant prison.  South America will be one giant cemetery.  And we can all just live in Europe/Africa/Asia right?

I have heard so many minds propose the idea of planting a tree instead of making a headstone.  Can you imagine endless forests supported by the nutrients of our dead?  Or orchards; every family can have their own fruit trees, so that visiting grandma and grandpa with the kids at the cemetery can be a joyous event filled with delicious fruit instead of boredom filled with solemn memories.

What better way to honor our dead than with life?

Note: The second video also comments on the various toxins in our body, a major argument for why a deceased body should not be placed directly into the ground.  The use of mushrooms filters the toxins into non harmful organic matter at a rapid rate.

Fungi Fun: Mushrooms and How to Harness Their Power

Here are three TED talks that discuss different ways we can incorporate the use of simple mushrooms into our lives, and eventual death, to improve the state of the world:

Paul Stamets: 6 ways mushrooms can save the world

Jae Rhim Lee: My mushroom burial suit

Eben Bayer: Are mushrooms the new plastic?

All three videos are practical, highly entertaining, and mind blowingly interesting!

The second video, discussing how mushrooms can be used to decompose corpses, reminded me of something that has bothered me about humanity since I was very young.

There are so many of us, billions, and we all die.  We spend our entire lives consuming the Earth, growing and devouring species to the point of extinction.  And at the end of it all, we are so selfish that we do not give our dead, useless bodies packed full of nutrients back to the Earth.  We wrap ourselves in metal and even in death take up some space in the already crowded Earth.  And then, we carve a stone with our name on it and put it over the ground marking the spot where our rich nutrients are safely being stored and wasted away.

A poetic ending denoting our wastefulness in life that continues to the grave.

Why?

Guess what? Our species is growing!  There are more of us on this planet now then there has been in the entire history of the world! What will we do with all the space clear and fill with coffins?  North America will become one giant prison.  South America will be one giant cemetery.  And we can all just live in Europe/Africa/Asia right?

I have heard so many minds propose the idea of planting a tree instead of making a headstone.  Can you imagine endless forests supported by the nutrients of our dead?  Or orchards; every family can have their own fruit trees, so that visiting grandma and grandpa with the kids at the cemetery can be a joyous event filled with delicious fruit instead of boredom filled with solemn memories.

What better way to honor our dead than with life?

Note: The second video also comments on the various toxins in our body, a major argument for why a deceased body should not be placed directly into the ground.  The use of mushrooms filters the toxins into non harmful organic matter at a rapid rate.

We also suggest that you check out our other article on a different kind of mushroom, a magical one.

 

Sources:

Paul Stamets: 6 ways mushrooms can save the world

Jae Rhim Lee: My mushroom burial suit

Eben Bayer: Are mushrooms the new plastic?

A Product That Will Turn You Into a Tree After Death

Fridge Free Food: Kick Your Obsessive Storage Habit & Keep Food Fresher Too

The Ugly Face of Overpopulation

Why Don’t We Eat Insects?

Fat, Poor Kids Just Got A Little Less Fat. Still Poor.

Balls of Fury: Eunuchs Live Longer?

Edible Landscapes