We have all seen the ads. The commercials that come on in between your favorite Breaking Bad episodes, your adrenaline rushing and bravado showing. How about during your online browsing sessions, where your side banners tell you that you are not man enough but there is hope through testosterone treatments. I know for certain that when you step foot into your gym at least a couple of TVs are advertising “low testosterone” remedies. It has even been advertised as a catalyst for treating erectile dysfunction. With all this hype, you better believe that the number of testosterone treatments and participants have been increasing over the years.
But why do men experience a loss of testosterone? Why does a man seek therapy to boost testosterone? According to WebMD:
As a man ages, the amount of testosterone in his body gradually declines. This natural decline starts after age 30 and continues throughout life
Of course it makes sense then that a man aged 40 and up would look for a means of staying young by increasing testosterone, even if it may be detrimental to his health in other ways. Astudy on testosterone therapy focusing precisely on those health risks has been creating quite the buzz in the news recently. The study found that with testosterone treatments you are also increasing your risk of a heart attack. With that in mind, different testosterone treatments have been getting backlash from both media and activists alike, as it has been disputed whether the risks outweigh the supposed benefits of the treatments.
Androgel is one such product currently dealing with lawsuits from 4 plaintiffs who claim their cardiovascular injuries came from the use of the gel product. The product was originally approved by the FDA to be used by those experiencing hypogonadism, where the patient’s body doesn’t produce enough testosterone to continue masculine functions such as muscle growth or sperm production. Now, however, Androgel is more commercially advertised as a means to boosting performance and testosterone levels in middle aged (40+) and older men (65+). It does have its benefits, but unfortunately Androgel does not yet acknowledge the risk of cardiovascular health, nor does it label it in its safety information.
Due to the curiosity and miracles that testosterone therapies are proclaiming, groups like the Endocrine Society are rallying their cry to label testosterone therapies and treatments with proper warnings. The Endocrine Society is also calling for a larger scale study in order to properly examine how risky testosterone therapies can be. Even the FDA is currently investigating the link between increased heart risk and testosterone therapy. Like other miracle drug claims, one would do well to practice caution and research before using anything that claims to improve your health in any way.
What can a man do then? Is there no solution? Of course the obvious answer is to consult your doctor, because although some testosterone therapies are posing a threat to one’s health, others may be causing more promise than problems. Either that, or force yourself to go to the gym, not to necessarily get your testosterone back, but rather your confidence and energy! Or disregard everything and jump on the Cenegenics train and look like Dr. Life (on the right) in your 70s… Cheers to immortality!
Watching porn only takes up like half of your day, it can’t be that bad! cracked.com
Though we’re a news site, I strive not to post on the bummers unless there are solutions to couple with ’em, especially when it comes to porn. The mainstream fear mongers feed enough of that drivel to the hungry baby boomer crowd, and here, we want your life to be better, at least in some way. So when I lay this terrible news on you, don’t freak out; there is an easy fix…
Get ready for…
Raw unbridled power. Soon you’ll have unparalleled focus, strength, and animal-magnetism enveloping your being like some all-mighty aura of tenacious suavity. Awesomeness. But first…
Before we take a stab at why you don’t have these things, women, this article isn’t meant for you. Glean some nifty tricks if you can, but the research happens to all be aimed at the fellas. And be forewarned, the Pandora’s Box of the male psyche really is disturbingly straight forward, so endeavor further at your own peril.
Gentlemen, I have some mixed news for you regarding porn. We’ve been shooting ourselves in the groin for countless generations, completely oblivious. As it turns out, when our monkey forefathers sprouted opposable thumbs nearly 70 million years ago, they launched our chimp brothers into a vortex of technological advancement, but unfortunately, in this same step, doomed our fraternal lineage to a fate of epidemic depression, anxiety, inferiority-complexes and erectile-dysfunction. No need to take bolt cutters to that wonderful fifth digit, there is an easier fix.
What’s wrong with my thumbs? And what does it have to do with porn?
Aside from allowing us, collectively, to construct tools, carry said tools, flush toilets and headshot noobs, our thumbs have been responsible for basically all of civilization as we know it, separating us through dexterity from the rest of the animal kingdom. Similarly magnanimous, from the pyramids of Giza to sliced bread, every great human advancement those little babies have rendered us capable of has stemmed from a single, all-encompassing species-driving motive: we wanted to impress women. Literally, all facets of culture and society can be broken into that basest motivation: mating. So when our primate cousins found their fingers all those generations ago, suddenly the rules of the game changed, because our every hardwired purpose for living could now be overridden in one effortless squirt. I’m talking about masturbation.
Don’t get all preachy on me now!
Relax. This isn’t some moralistic pseudo-religious naysaying on the evils of your naughty bits. The palm hair is safe.
The capacity to watch porn and masturbate has put us in a dilemma. We have a choice as men: we can study hard, trouncing all competitors, create an empire, amass a fortune, and (possibly) win the affections of some elusive supermodel goddess. Or, for the price of a bottle of Lubriderm and a stolen Wi-Fi connection, we can download ultra-high resolution close-ups of lady-bits and let our imaginations skip all that effort.
I happen to enjoy my porn, thank you! Why is that a problem?
It isn’t, necessarily. But there are definite drawbacks. Each ejaculation takes a toll on the philanderer’s wellbeing in several potent ways.
First, with each climax, a man losses a whole slew of essential vitamins and nutrients because semen is designed to give as much of a fighting chance to the new embryo as possible. In fact, each time we cum, we lose the protein equivalent of a large egg. That’s why we just want to nap afterward or find the whole thing gross; literally, our entire physiology is designed to propel us into this point of mutual orgasm, storing massive energy reserves to be spent at copulation, not to be squandered into a crusty sock.
Worse still, ejaculation expels testosterone reserves. Every fap session makes you less of a man in a very real sense, depleting you of your very chemical maleness (This does not apply to actual sex, however, which we’ll look at shortly. High-five!). Lastly, and we’ve covered this deeper in previous articles, masturbation effects dopamine levels on a similar scale to heroin, leading to obsessive-compulsiveness, thought-disorders, social anxiety and depression. Be honest, at some level, does that seem familiar?
You said there was good news?
Indeed, I did. Friends, if you masturbate because porn is easy and getting laid eludes you, we have some great news. Masturbating is why you’re not getting laid. You see, each time you lose that testosterone, first your body produces less pheromones, your natural arousal cologne, and the renewed secretion of pheromones creates this cloud of alpha-male essence around you, effortlessly attracting women and impressing your dominance upon fellow men.
Better still, with this unsquandered natural energy and social prowess, comfort and confidence in your own skin skyrockets, and your body instinctually makes you want to set aside the MMORPG’s and interact with other humans. You’re a natural at talking to girls, just not so much after the instant gratification of manual stimulation. Face to face socializing is what you were designed for.
Too good to be true? There are thousands of first-hand accountsof 180 degree life changes from simply giving your little buddy a rest, and closing out of the porn site. There are also massive support communities to help the transition into the new Casanova lifestyle. We all love our porn fellas, and the idea of losing our parents to cholera is probably more soothing than withdrawal from the sweet, sweet glories of a photoshopped Kate Upton…
Damn, she looks good. But guess what? So do real girls. Porn is a poor substitute.
So how bout a quick self-check:
Do you exercise, dress classy, and/or groom your billy-goat beard from time to time, but still feel invisible to women?
Have you read any how-to’s by Neal Strauss?
Did you linger at that last photo (we all did)?
Does there seem like a collective decision by all woman-kind to blue-ball you?
Do you suspect you give the vibe of a man passing out candy from his windowless van?
Is your go-to stress relief the instant-gratification of internet porn?
Back to the science: Something About Mary had it backwards. Just go a few days without relief and a switch flips. Suddenly, you’re the center of everyone’s attention. Oh, thank God (teeth were gritted down to nubs of insecurity).
Can we talk about Porn?
I thought you’d never ask. Porn, fantastic as it may be, acts directly on the addiction centers of the brain. Our caveman minds are, frankly, not equipped for handling the endless feast of flesh at our fingertips thanks to the internet, because, physiologically, sex is geared to be the highest possible reward meant only for the healthiest most contributing-to-the-tribe males. This instant access is a major cause of the growing trend in apathy in the developed world. With the dopamine high of life’s ultimate purpose so reticently available, there is a dwindling (possibly non-human) percentage driven to true accomplishments.
Come on. It’s natural to like to look at women.
Totally. That’s not the point. No one’s judging. No one want’s to be told one of their favorite pastimes is a drain on them, or worse, that it’s an addiction. That’s between you and your penis to decide. By no means are we suggesting you become celibate (though many of the great minds in history went that route), or that you focus your chi to transmute your sex energy, but if your gut instinct was defensiveness, maybe try the no porn challenge for kicks.
As with all addictions, porn needs escalation to get the same thrill. So soft-core turns to hardcore turns to fetishes to taboos and tentacle-rape to friction scars and cut out front-pockets for easy access, until you’re crying over a bottle of merlot fantasizing about accidental eye-contact with the hostess at Applebee’s. (That’s universal, right?)