No Heart? No Pulse? No Problem!

a heart of gold

You don’t always need a physical heart to have a heart of GOLD.

True to my username, this next one hits very close to home. For the first time in our human history a man survives and continues to live on without a pulse! Dr. Billy Cohn and Dr.  Bud Frazier of the Texas Heart Institute installed a mechanical device in place of a dying heart in Craig Lewis’ chest. The success of the operation is a revolutionary step in the medical world! The replacement artificial organ is composed of a device that uses blades to continuously pump blood through his body.

Related Article: No Breathing Required

How does one know if he is still alive? A pulse? First real life undead zombie? Not at all! This man is blessed with an extended life due to his mechanical heart replacement. And don’t worry, he wasn’t the doctors’ first subject to their heart-less procedure. It had previously been tested on animals and with overwhelming success, thus the doctors opted to perform the surgery on Craig to save his life.

Related ArticleMerge Biology with Electronics

This exceptional feat opens up the floor to discussion on the use of artificial organs and how they could help humans survive and extend their lives. Some would argue morality issues, others would argue the fine line between cyborg and human. I however believe any new way of surviving and staying healthy should always be considered when facing a dire situation. Especially when on the verge of death.

His smile says it all. This man is very happy to be alive and well.

Although the invention and operation were a success, Craig only lived another 5 weeks after having the pumps put in. There was another man however in the Czech Republic who lived for 6 months with a similar pump while he was on a waiting list for a real heart.

There are multiple artificial heart designs floating around out there, but in order to commercialize this incredible invention the doctors must decide on a final design, find a manufacturer and get FDA approval. Fortunately, Dr. Frazer seems very optimistic about the current design, stating:

These pumps don’t wear out. We haven’t pumped one to failure to date.

Undoubtedly we can learn from this technology and use it to its full potential sometime in the future, but for now we learn and we continue to struggle. In the mean time, cheers to life!




Mail One News

Wondergressive: No Breathing Required

Wondergressive: Merge Biology with Electronics

TVs, Brains, and Zombies Oh My: TV’s Effect on the Mind

TV, the true Petrus Romanus. How about THAT for an introduction? All you conspiracy junkies out there should take a break from brainwashing and new world order propaganda and give this a good read before your brain turns to mush! The average American watched 34 hours 39 minutes of TV per week in Q4 2010 according to Nielson. Something taking up that much of your time deserves the evil name of Petrus Romanus. That’s over 4 hours of our waking daily life that is consumed by watching TV! Let’s say you are an average daily sleeper of 8 hours (lucky you), you work on average an 8 hour shift daily, commute a total of 1 hour, perform proper hygiene of 1 hour daily including showering, brushing teeth, dressing, etc. and 4 hours of watching television. Are you following me? Your remaining daily time (week days) is only 2 hours for other activities. Why does that matter? Those remaining 2 hours may not be productive at all due to the beforehand act of watching the tube.

When you watch television, your brain activity is focused in the right hemisphere, a crossover that produces endorphins, our body’s natural opiates. Psychophysiologist Thomas Mulholland found that:

After 30 seconds of watching television the brain begins to produce alpha waves, which indicates torpid (almost comatose) rates of activity.

Long story short, you watch TV and your brain relaxes, just like when you ingest opiates (opium, morphine, heroin, etc.). Only difference is that television puts you into a more comatose state. Sounds good right? Unfortunately it is not a good thing for your brain. During this point of relaxation, your brain does not function in its higher regions and no real beneficial brain stimulation is occurring.

Wes Moore, scholar for The Journal of Cognitive Liberties, states:

When you’re watching television the higher brain regions (like the mid brain and the neo-cortex) are shut down, and most activity shifts to the lower brain regions (like the limbic system), in the long run, too much activity in the lower brain leads to atrophy in the higher brain regions

Atrophy in higher brain regions can lead to dementia later in life. As you age, it is better to stay active or involve yourself in your family’s life, especially compared to spending all of your time melting away in front of the tube. However, not only are those that are older are in peril, there are other disadvantages caused by the TUBE for all of us.

A study at ISU found that:

Students who stare at a screen for more than two hours per day are twice as likely to be diagnosed with attention problems.

tv drug look at me video

And all this time, I thought that drooling when staring at the TV was normal. Oh well, TV seems to be one of many different reasons why students are as distracted as they are now-a-days, however, it is essential to be in the know about all the different types of distractions technology provides.

Even those that have health problems can now blame something other than big bones and hereditary fat genes. Effects of Television Viewing, an article in JAMA, describes how obese participants that limited their TV viewing would burn more calories than those participants who continued to watch TV at their normal rate. In fact reading, writing, and relaxing without TV was found to increase total calories burned over watching TV. That is, you burn more calories than you do viewing the tube by not even being involved in an activity, not even going to the gym to workout, not even participating in the outside world, by not doing anything at all.

In fact, Visual Voodoo found that:

 Kids who watched more than 2 hours a day between the ages of 5 and 15 were more likely to have high cholesterol, reduced fitness, and were at higher risk for diabetes as adults

If that doesn’t persuade you to involve your kids more, how about what Medline Plus has to say about too much screen time:

Makes it harder to get your child to go to bed and fall asleep at night


Increases the chance that your child will develop attention problems, anxiety, and depression

Sounds like something mentioned before.

Solution? (breath) You could…

Read a book, fly a kite, write a book, play an instrument, talk to your kids, talk to your parents, enjoy other people’s company, draw something, paint something, go for a walk, go hiking, volunteer, go snowboarding, mow the lawn, clean the house, write a sonnet, write a rap, read a comic book, write a love letter, solve the world’s problem of hunger, etc. The world lives and moves and continues on whether or not you are a part of it, I think it is high time to be a part of it.

Relate Read: Fun Fact: You’re the Cause of Boredom



Nielsen – State of Media

Journal of Cognitive Liberties

JAMA, Internal Medicine

Visual Voodoo

Medline Plus

Television and Dementia

Technological Distractions

Wondergressive Cats are Mind Parasites

Mushy Brains and Shorter Lives

ISU TV Study

New World Order

Petrus Romanus, Prophecy of Popes

Hey Cat-Lovers, You Have a Mind-Controlling Parasite

Isn’t it fun to pretend we have control over our bodies? Isn’t it fun to believe that freewill isn’t some fanciful bit of make-believe? I don’t know about you, but that’s one of my favorite late night drunken fantasies (oh yeah, gettin off (or not) to the illusion of choice). Really though, the bag of chemicals we live in is a precarious balance of hormones, enzymes, and other gook, teetering the high wire of sanity by the tiniest margins. If that statement needs any justification, maybe give PCP a try.

The excretions of other life forms have altered our realities and actions for epochs, so the idea is nothing new. Usually we think, however, that these things are mostly under our control. From licking a toad, contracting the stomach flu, or perhaps a total personality makeover after a blow to the head, our body’s chemicals and fluids determine everything. So, keeping that in mind… there’s a good chance you, at this very moment, have a mind-controlling parasite, making your decisions for you. It happens all the time.


But that’s just ants, right? And they’re stupid.

Nope. And it’s not just ants, either. Countless species are chemically manipulated; there are zombie snailssuicidal grasshoppers, and even, of course, YOU…

Half of the world’s population is currently infected with a fun-loving little fucker known as Toxoplasma, the sci-fi sounding name of a cat poop dwelling parasite that will make you crazy.

Try saying it out loud. Toxoplasma. You’ll feel pretty badass.

Now look to your left. Look to your right. You have a 50% chance of infection of…Toxoplasma. (You said it out loud, right?)

Come on. You can’t be serious?

We already knew bacteria were controlling our minds, but now there’s this little fella, too. He lives in cat poop, we breathe him in, and he sets up shop in our nervous system, excreting enzymes that lead to schizophrenia and overall bat-shittedness (not necessarily a bad thing). Essentially, I get infected, I get this hankering for another cat, then I get more infected, I adopt the conviction “who needs men?” and before you know it my home soon becomes a den of feline chaos.

It seems that society’s obsession with lolcats is actually all a part of some master plan being orchestrated by this little bastard. It flips our brain’s chemistry to, you guessed it, love cats.

The heated war between dog people and cat people will rage for centuries more, but now we know about all the fuss over our feline friends: we are victims of a cat conspiracy to take over our internet memes, one poop at a time.

They sure are cute, though.



The Sonoran Desert Toad (

A Model of Personality Change (

Little Mind Benders (

Parasitic Mind Control (

Enslaved Ants Regularly Stage Rebellions (

How to Control an Army of Zombies (

World’s Deadliest: Zombie Snails (

Suicide Grasshoppers Brainwashed by Parasite Worms (

Toxoplasmosis-Schizophrenia Research (

The Secret World of Bacteria (

A Note on the Top 1% (


The Secret World of Bacteria


Warning: this article should not be read within proximity to sandpaper or pumice rocks as there is a high likelihood of sanding down one’s skin in terror. This one gets gross, kiddies.

One of the many benefits already seen since the inception of the Human Microbiome Project in 2007 is the outrageous discovery that only 10% of our body is human.

What kind of madman rant are you going on this time, Qwizx?

As it turns out, crazy as it may sound, the overwhelming majority of cells within/out our person are bacteria. In fact, we are a staggering 90% non-human. Swimming amidst the estimated 10 trillion cells constituting your selfness are something like 100 trillion individual little critters that call your life-fluids home. In a microscopic landscape of terrain, legions of monsters are swathing, swarming, warring, breeding, breathing and all-out taking over the slabs of meat we self-reference as “I.”

100 trillion is a big number, maybe too large for a human mind to fathom, so instead, let’s imagine it this way: There are currently 7,000,000,000 people in the world (that’s billion, with a B)… There are 14 THOUSAND times that many (our current planetary population) bacteria wiggling inside you this moment, Jacuzzi-ing in your tear-ducts as you read this. When I say bacteria, by the way, I mean these things (thank you, electron microscopes)…

Cluster of E. Coli sipping margaritas by the lake of sulfur in hell, or…

Setting up camp in a clump of uranium like it ain’t no thang

Essentially, research teams have gathered data that redefines humanity, suggesting the body is a superorganism “whose metabolism represents an amalgamation of microbial and human attributes.

Life always finds a way, just not necessarily humanoid life. A genomic sequencing study has recently discovered high numbers of hydrothermal vent eubacteria on prosthetic hip joints. This wouldn’t be a big deal, considering the plethora of ghouls infesting people, accept hydrothermal vent eubacteria are a species once thought only to live in the blackness of the ocean’s depths (you know, cause surviving on uranium isn’t scary enough).

(below) At Steve’s liver for the weekly orgy and ritual-sacrifice (BYOB) 

By no means is this exclusively shiver-inducing news. Like when Copernicus realized the earth revolved around the sun, this is a “discovery,” meaning it was always true, just now it’s news to us. No need for mass panic, cause this is how it’s supposed to work, and always has. However, there are some interesting implications:

Hurray, no more lonely Saturday nights!

Imagine our bodies, now, as a planet onto themselves, where bacteria pay their property taxes, vote, and even take their kids to little league in the small intestine. We humans are not individuals, but a collective, a civilization or a conglomerate, united in a symbiosis where each individual creepy-crawly plays his part on the whole. Sure, just like in human civilizations, there are the equivalent of warring gang factions, and like we always do, these sparse rebels gets all the focus (I’m looking at you, gonorrhea.), but our microscopic brothers and sisters are absolutely essential to our  continued existence.

If we’re like a corporation, hell yeah, I get to be the CEO.

Not quite. Sorry. We’re more like the semi-dipshit boss wrapped around his employees’ fingers. The sneaky scallywags just let us think the best ideas are ours so we can save face; the germs are in charge. Through the clever excretion of chemicals, our fuzzy little friends manipulate our lives in almost every conceivable way, from our health to straight up mind-control. However, don’t panic; it’s less like “Invasion of the Body-Snatchers,” and more like the Futurama episode where Fry eats the vending machine egg salad and becomes an Ubber-Fry.

Cuddly fella literally tugging at heart strings.

The NIH’s Human Microbiome Project plans on cataloging the entire human microbiome, or metagenome, and thus far only approximately 1% of this microbiota has been characterized and identified.  They’ve just begun to peak into the Pandora’s box of possibilities from our neighbors to the nano, so, I don’t know about you, but I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for sensory enhancing super parasites.

By all means, keep washing your hands, but these guys are unavoidable. See that cute fella hiding in the upper-left corner of this close-up of dust (below), the Kraken-lookin spawn of Lucifer posing for a cameo in your nightmares? He’s everywhere.

(technicolor added for enhanced terror)


As a final gut-wrenching thought, even if you just brushed your teeth, here’s a close-up of just some of the things currently crawling on your tongue.


 Sources: (2, 3, 4 times)