Engineering the Perfect Morning in 8 Easy Steps

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Have you had your coffee yet? Stretch it out; it’s okay. Nothing quite like the old cigarette and cup of joe to kick start the day into gear, or maybe leisurely scrolling a Wondergressive post on the john is more your speed. Remember when you’d spring to life hours before the sun, like, say on Christmas morning? You couldn’t fall asleep from excitement and erupted from slumber like the rambunctious little meth-head every kid is. Well guess what friends… we can have that majesty again, and not just once a year, but every morning. Check out these 8 simple steps to supercharging your mornings and life:

1)

If you’re reading an article on this site, you’re probably pretty smart, and kudos to you already, so maybe you’ve heard of this thing called the REM cycle. Turns out the number of cycles is not as important as we’d previously imagined; rather, timing is the key. Those non-hangover days when, even with a full 8 hours, you feel like a monkey’s been bludgeoning you with a bag of unripe oranges (maybe the 6th cup will do the trick), most likely your alarm sounded mid-REM cycle, and this is a big deal. If the cycle is interrupted, this is a day of grogginess. Contrarily, rising between REMs leaves you alert and rested. A REM cycle is 90 minutes, give or take, so instead of getting a solid 8, aim for a solid 7.5 hours a night. You’ll be walking on (not sunshine) regular terrain, throwing away the old “I’m just not a morning person.” Likewise, 6 hours (optimal on average) or less will do the trick as well, though you may want to nap later with the latter. Easy-peezy. If you need to be up at 7am, hit the pillow at 11:15pm (15mins to fall asleep). With the demons of drowsiness never again jabbing your skull, it’ll be much easier to…

2)

Wake up early. I promise this is an easy step. Was it ever hard to roll out of the race-car to pillage Santa’s haul? If you’re awesome, and I’ll bet you are, you have a to-do list 6 pages deep and it’s become more of a “shit that’ll happen when I win the lottery” list. What a vicious, unending cycle, especially since “buy lottery ticket” is on that list. But you’re clever and ambitious; you know what to do to find those extra hours to get it all done: wake up early. Like we’ve already seen, 6 hours is a great amount of sleep where you’ll feel peak-rested. Congratulations, you’ve just found an extra 2 hours of private time every day (6 extra years of consciousness added to your life). While the world hits snooze, you can…

3)

Set an isochronic alarm. Good odds you’re reading this on your phone/mp3/alarm clock/everything, and you can set an alarm to sound any noise you’d like (if you don’t know how, Google it). Trythis iso-tone. It’s a sound that, when heard, snaps the mind into high gear (Make sure to check out the science behind isochronic tones– it’s pretty cool but beyond the scope of this article). No need to shut it off, by the way. This tone makes a great background to your…

4)

Dream journal. Why dream journal? It’s fun, for one. Keeping a journal of your dreams is like sharing an intimate conversation with your subconscious; never mind if you don’t have dreams (you do, everyone dreams every single night), start with anything, even a vague memory of a color, and details will start flooding back as the pen lurches rapidly to scrawl them. Even these few minutes of creativity, because they’re first thing, set a tone of greatness for the rest of the day, although no one will hold it against you if you still need…

5)

Coffee. Yes, have your coffee if that’s your thing (did you think I’d say you couldn’t?), but that delectable god-nectar takes a bit to brew, so in the meantime, we’ll be needing an empty stomach anyway for…

5.5)

Exercise. It doesn’t take much to get the job done; we’re not training for the Olympics. 10-15 minutes of easy calisthenics right at waking gets the blood flowing and kick starts the metabolism so your breakfast won’t sludge into more mass about the spare-tire, but burn to fuel your freshly invigorated body. Thanks, science.

6)

Read. Let’s leave off the Looney Tunes this morning, or if that’s not your style, no newspaper or CNN. Instead, over the oats and bacon, we’re going to read 10 pages (that’s it, easy) of self-help. Are you in the school that thinks self-help books are for a bunch of losers who need to pat themselves on the back? Okay, a lot are, but check outthese self-help books (or for the kleptos). A mere 10 pages a day will amount to 1,300 books over your lifetime. Fun side-note: Theodore Roosevelt read an entire book every single day, even while he had his hands full with all that presidenting.

7)

Take a cold shower. This will be the hardest step to adhere to, but well worth the sacrifice. According to Dr. Kruse, the benefits of becoming “cold adapted” include:

  • Optimization of hormone levels
  • Fertility and reproductive fitness
  • Strengthened adrenal function
  • Reversal of diabetes and thyroid disorders
  • Increased immune function
  • Pain management
  • Deepened and improved sleep
  • Increased sense of well being and better attitude
  • and, it may be helpful with serious neurological diseases and eating disorders

Sounds cool (groan over shitty pun).

8)

Meditate. I’ll bet you’ve heard good things. Here’s your chance, and if you’re afraid of looking silly, no one else is up yet anyway. Here’s a beginners guide if you’re unfamiliar. That’s it. Have fun y’all, and enjoy your new, awesome life.

 

Sources:

WebMD: Stages of Sleep

PubMed.gov: Effects of Interrupting REM sleep

Iso-tone

Science of Isochronic Tones

How Dreams Work

Reasons to Exercise in the Morning

Goodreads: Self-help Books

Cracked.com: Facts About Famous People

Dr. Kruse: Cold Showers

How to Meditate

Mystery of Death Solved: DMT is the Key

 

We now know what happens at death:

Resting comfortably in the recessed center of your brain, encased snugly within the corpus colossum, wrapped tightly between the dual-hemispheres of spongy nerve bundles, encased in the quarter-inch-thick armor-plating of skull, finally surrounded by your main and expressive organs with which you face the world, exists a tiny gland, long considered vestigial (serving little to no function), that holds the key to our interpretation of existence as we know it.  I’m speaking of the pineal gland. This minute spec, roughly the size of a grain of rice, is more heavily protected than even the heart with its literal cage of protection, because if something happens to your heart you die, but if something happens to your pineal, you can’t go to heaven.

Never heard of it?

This pineal gland has influences on both melatonin and pinoline, but our interest is in the gland’s role in the creation of dimethyltriptamine, or DMT. This chemical, DMT, may well be the reason we, as a species, are capable of sentience itself.

I’m not a chemist; break it down.

First, DMT is a narcotic, schedule 1. It’s scheduled as a highly illegal substance all over the planet, largely because DMT is one of the most potent psychedelics known to man. Intensely powerful. Yet, every day your pineal produces this stuff.

Secondly, DMT is the chemical that elicits dreams. That’s right. Each night as you drift to slumber-land, not only are you tripping on a psychedelic, but you’re also premeditatedly committing a federal offence; possession or consumption of DMT could land you a felony charge.

And third, this illegal gateway to dreamland is released in massive amounts at the moment of death. When I say massive, if a water glass of DMT evokes a dream, at death, an equivalent river excretes into your system. Any druggies reading this?

How have I not heard of this before?

Well, the pineal’s significance is neither a new idea, nor an unfounded one. Spanning the expanse of human civilization runs an undercurrent of worshipful adoration to the almighty pineal, more widely known as the inner eye, all-seeing eye, or the like – considered the body’s gateway to the soul.

Egypt had its Eye of Horus (now emblazoned on the US dollar bill). Hindu culture has its bottu (the familiar forehead dot). Even the ancient art of yoga recognizes the brow chakra, or ajna, as blossoming at the pineal, or third eye. That’s only to name a few.

The hell you say! The truth behind the cult of the pineal has gone largely unnoticed collectively, though the symbols themselves have been downright ubiquitous. Tibetan Buddhists, as well, have long carried a belief that the soul enters the fetus precisely 49 days after conception. Likely, reading this, you are not a Tibetan Buddhist – their numbers fall less than 20 million – and whether you subscribe to an eternal soul or not isn’t the point, because day 49 is the moment the pineal is formed in a fledgling brain.

Great, so what does all this have to do with death?

Well, on an experiential  level, shrooms distort perception, coke smacks you with raw energy, ecstasy grants superpower orgasms (ladies), and most notably, weed slows time – time distortion seems to go hand in hand with most psychedelics as well – so time passage then is totally subjective. Ask Einstein.

Meanwhile, among DMT smokers, out of the macrocosm of potential experiences, two major themes emerge nearly universally:

1) A stretching of time – they experience the hectic 6 or 7 minutes as a near eternity or lifetime. Imagine Cobb’s 50 year night in Inception.

2) They experience religious incarnations with a tilt toward whatever sect the subject is affiliated with.

Here’s the clincher: after death, while this massive psychedelic dose courses through the brain, there is this mysterious several minutes where the brain still functions. With our new perspective, however, we at last understand what these minutes are…

These few minutes after death, subjectively, are experienced as an eternity, engrossed in the DMT universe. Also, the trip itself is a highly personal experience dictated by the deepest realms of the subconscious.

Therefore, whatever at your deepest core you expect to happen when you die… Congratulations, that’s what’ll happen… Every religion was right.

Mystery solved. Peace on earth.

If you’re resourceful, you can find this stuff and try it. The bigger question now is: do you really want to know where you’ll be spending eternity?

 

Sources:

Vestigial

Pineal Gland

University of Wisconsin: Creation of DMT

Medical Hypothesis: Endogenous Hallucinogenics Central to Nervous System

Medical Hypothesis: Visions of Dream Sleep

DMT the Spirit Molecule 

Erowid N,N DMT Legal Status

Third Eye

Third Eye Images and Symbols Around the World

The Tibetan Book of the Dead

The Universe-Solved!

Theory of Relativity

Erowid: DMT Experience Reports

PopSci: The First Few Minutes After Death

Baseline of Health Foundation: Brain Functions Even After Death

Woman Needs a New Ear, Grows a New One on Her Arm

Photo Credit: Johns Hopkins University

Photo Credit: Johns Hopkins University

After having her ear removed to stop the spread of cancer, doctors at Johns Hopkins Institute decided Sherrie Walter needed a new one.  The doctors used bone, cartilage, skin, and arteries to build a new ear, and then stored it under her forearm to allow it to grow.

The ear is in fact an exact replica.  After having it surgically attached to her head, the doctors added an internal hearing aid. Walter was filled with hope and relief during the entire ordeal.

“When my doctors told me reconstruction was possible, I thought it was too good to be true; it sounded like science fiction.  Just learning that reconstructing my ear was doable gave me sufficient physical and emotional strength, as well as the confidence I needed to go through with the surgeries.”

Finally a point to having so much free limb space.  The days when peoples’ arms and legs are lined with spare noses, ears, fingers and toes is quickly approaching.

 

Sources:

Johns Hopkins: Johns Hopkins Sugeons Use Woman’s Own Tissue to Rebuild Ear Lost to Cancer

Huffington Post: Ear Reconstruction Utilizes Patient’s Tissue, Forearm In Innovative Surgery

Volunteering is Good for Your Health

 

A study done by United Health Care has determined that volunteering is good for both emotional and physical health of the volunteer. This is an unexpected benefit of volunteer activities. All the while I’ve thought volunteering only helps the persons targeted to be helped by the organizations, but alas I was wrong and it helps physically and emotionally all involved. So why not go get involved in your community now?

There are many resources listed below to get you started. With benefits for everyone how can you not want to jump right in?

 

Sources and Resources:

United Health Care: Volunteers Report Improved Physical, Emotional Health

Volunteer Match

National and Community Service

Volunteer.gov

 

Depressed Mothers Have Shorter Kids

 

A new study of 6550 women found that women with postpartum depression or general depression are 50% more likely to have shorter kids.   Pamela J. Surkan, the lead researcher, states that “we hypothesize that the main link between maternal postpartum symptoms of depression and child height is through care-giving behaviors, perhaps by means of feeding practices or through these mothers’ reduced abilities to get help for their sick children when they are sick.”

Although the variables are numerous, the correlation remains that depression in women before and during motherhood can lead to stunted growth in their children.

Ongoing research regarding this correlation has consistently found similar or identical results.

Mothers Who Suffer Depression Have Shorter Kids

 

A new study of 6550 women found that women with postpartum depression or general depression are 50% more likely to have shorter kids.   Pamela J. Surkan, the lead researcher, states that

we hypothesize that the main link between maternal postpartum symptoms of depression and child height is through care-giving behaviors, perhaps by means of feeding practices or through these mothers’ reduced abilities to get help for their sick children when they are sick.

Although the variables are numerous, the correlation remains that depression in women before and during motherhood can lead to stunted growth in their children.

Ongoing research regarding this correlation has consistently found similar or identical results.

 

Sources:

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/surprising-reason-why-kids-shorter-study-191200640.html

Substitutional Reality Helmet

 

Researchers have created what they are calling an inception helmet.  The helmet was developed to switch seamlessly between live feed and recorded footage in order to create a helmet able to realistically simulate and project reality.

The researchers found that many test subjects were unable to tell the difference between the live footage and the recorded scenes, leading to a breakthrough in cognitive research and therapeutic methods.

The researchers are focusing on “psychiatric applications, but the system could also be a powerful tool to investigate how our conscious experiences are constituted in daily natural scenes.”  They also want to use the substitution reality technology to treat post-traumatic stress disorder and phobias by repeatedly exposing patients to traumatic episodes in immersive devices. The SR system provides the conviction of being in the ‘real’ world, which is absent in current VR technologies.”

Get your tokens ready, reality is about to add another layer to the veil.

No Link Between Cannabis and Depression

 

A study done in Sweden spanning 35 years and testing a total of 45,087 Swedish men has found no connection linking cannabis and depression.

That being said, although the risk was extremely slight, the study did reiterate the connections found between chronic cannabis use and schizoaffective disorders.  The study finds that “there was a strong graded association between cannabis use and schizoaffective disorder, even after control for confounders, although the numbers were small (HR 7.4, 95% CI, 1.0-54.3).

“Conclusion: We did not find evidence for an increased risk of depression among those who used cannabis. Our finding of an increased risk of schizoaffective disorder is consistent with previous findings on the relation between cannabis use and psychosis.”