Sexual Frustration Leads to Accelerated Aging: Sex is the Answer

Wow baby, I feel 10 years younger already! http://www.wired.com No more sexual frustration here!

The University of Michigan has given the world a new reason to never be a sexual tease: causing sexual frustration is tantamount to murder! In a study involving fruit flies, scientists found that the key to a long and healthy life might be sex.

The scientists placed normal male fruit flies in a tank flooded with genetically modified male fruit flies. These particular male fruit flies were genetically altered to release a female pheromone. As far as the normal fruit flies knew they were surrounded by beautiful female fruit flies ready and rearing to aid in the compost bin colony’s plan of colonial expansion. The only problem is that they couldn’t see, hear, or feel the females. They couldn’t at all perceive the fruit fly goddesses that were surely laying all around them (which is probably for the best since fruit flies have toxic sperm). Needless to say, this situation has ‘sexual frustration’ written all over it.

The male fruit flies, perceiving the sexual pheromone but unable to mate, experienced

more stress and rapid decreases in fat stores and resistance to starvation. The sexually frustrated flies lived shorter lives. Mating, on the other hand, partially reversed the negative effects on health and aging.

So, let’s review:

Or fruit flies surrounded by untouchable mates! www.someecards.com — Or fruit flies surrounded by untouchable mates! http://www.someecards.com

Abstinence leads to stress, a skinny frame, a short life, and possible starvation. Sex on the other hand leads to none of that and comes with a bonus pleasure surge. Tough choice.

Ladies and gentlemen, in conclusion, all of us are responsible for causing as little sexual frustration as possible. I’m glad that’s settled.

Another study using fruit flies found that in many instances, due to a toxin in the pheromone, just being around the opposite sex can cause a shortened lifespan in both sexes. According to the study,

Their movements slowed, their bodies deteriorated, and their lifespans shortened by some 20 percent.

So what do sexual frustrations in fruit fly studies have to with us genetically superior humans? Surprisingly, biological discoveries made in fruit flies carry over to other mammals like rodents and humans quite often. Scientists also use fruit flies because they only live for around 60 days. Due to their short lifespans scientists can view changes over hundreds of generations in a relatively short amount of time. Using the advantage of a short lifespan, scientists have even been able to view evolution take place before their eyes.

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Sure, sex alone couldn’t make the fruit fly an immortal animal, but if a little love has even the slightest potential for extending our lives and keep us young, I say avoid unnecessary sexual frustration and find a friend to share some joy. Just be safe!

This study adds to the growing body of information concerned with finding a way to retain our youth into old age and extend our lives. It is a major human desire, ubiquitous across centuries of our past. The key could be anything, including technological advances, low-carb diets, fasting, nuts, or the upcoming singularity. It’s time to add sex to that list and remove as much sexual frustration as possible.